31 January, 2009

Patch work


This is one nights work! Sewing these pieces together, I didn't get them all put together but just a few more to go! I broke a needle on the sewing machine and re-thread it many times! One of the rows is uneven and I will have to take it out and re-do it. It is a patch quilt for Jesse, the patches are on both sides but the other side is going to be all frayed and cut up. I still need to do the edges too. I figure one night a week of staying up in to the wee hours would be plenty. Any more nights than that a week and I would probably be a walking zombie.

29 January, 2009

second guessing the name

I want to give my baby the middle name of Franklin. It was my dads middle name, it is my grandfathers name(my moms dad).
My grandfather's dad had that name and his dad and the father before him.
My father's grandfather is also named Franklin.

I am second guessing the name though. This is personal, but it is bugging me... My dad from what I remember was good, he was a good dad to me. But he was sexually abusive to another family member. He was also abusive to his sisters growing up as well. He was in prison A LOT always got in to trouble and in the end he killed himself. When Jesse gets older, old enough to understand I don't want him thinking that I named him after a bad person. After my father and if any of the other men had not such great qualities. I want Jesse to be named after someone, great!

Will he understand that to me my dad was just that, though I was a child and to me I didn't know or see all of the other stuff. Will he know that that is a good name or be unhappy that that is the name that I put in there? I am having a hard time with this. And I really can not think of another name to put in there.

By the way and I found this weird that a family member did not know this. Jesse is a great name. Jesse was the father of King David in the bible mentioned, Jesse was the son of Obed, and grandson of Boaz and Ruth (Ruth 4:13-22). Jesse had eight sons and two daughters, but he is known to Bible History primarily because of his youngest son, the one who became King David. As such, Jesse was a key ancestor of Jesus Christ: "There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch shall grow out of his roots ... In that day the root of Jesse shall stand as an ensign to the peoples; him shall the nations seek, and his dwellings shall be glorious.

Even though this is not why or how we picked Jesse. I thought that it was pretty amazing.

26 January, 2009

They're done!

our taxes are done! I took some extra time this morning and got them done. The forms that we got for paying student loan interest were incorrect...the uheaa(we have the majority of the loans through them) had record of the interest that we paid. Before I found that and put in the info we owed state money and after that was put in, they owe us money. How nice it is to pay on loans, well kind of! The money back from state will cover the cost to do our taxes! I am happy and relieved that they are done. It is one thing that I anticipate every year, getting the W2's and doing taxes as soon as possible!

25 January, 2009

increasing in size

9 weeks
13weeks











19 weeks

20 January, 2009

I am

i am: not wearing any makeup
i think: I should get ready to get Alona from school.
i know: That I am worth something. I know that I can be a better mother, a better parent than mine were to me. I know that I can be a important part of my family. I know that I can set aside my selfish desires for my children. I know that I am a child of God and so are my children and every one else. I know that Joseph Smith is a true prophet that the Book of Mormon is true and the holy ghost can be a daily inspiring part of our lives and is absolutely wonderful when we listen to it. I know that I can over come temptation and that I have the will power to do things. I know that I have wonderful children. I know that we do not take our ailments that are here with our bodies on Earth with us when we go to heaven and that is the greatest thing besides being with my family that I am looking forward to, to know that my husband will be whole.
i want: to teach my children at home
i dislike: gaining to much weight at once.
i miss: family that do not return calls or make an effort to keep in contact. I miss knowing how people are doing and being a part of their lives.
i fear: /am afraid, I see that other mothers and women know and do things better and I am not up to par. I understand that we are different. I just wish that I could do more and that I didn't feel so out of place next to them.
i feel: good with what I taught Abbi today and what she taught me.
i hear: my two younger children talking about how barbie is sleeping and needing to be quiet.
i smell: nothing
i crave: home cooked wonderful meals
i cry: over the slightest things in books and movies that I watch with my children.
i usually: am on the computer way too much
i search: for teaching materials, I search myself for the right things to do and include those in my day, reading scriptures, praying, teaching my children and being with them.
i wonder: what Jesse will look like, what his personality will be like
i regret: ever reacting in anger toward my children
i love: the end of the day, once the children are all in bed
i care: about all people that I have had a connection with
i always: clean before people come over
i worry: about the small things
i am not: perfect
i remember: almost all the birthdays of the people that I know and people's faces
i believe: that our parents dont have to set us up for failure, we can chose to move out of their shadow
i dance: on occasion with my sweet children
i sing: nursery rhymes and to the radio
i don’t always: want to cook dinner
i argue: with my daughters about the silliest things. Especially Abbi she is convinced the baby is a girl and will not be convinced other wise.
i write: A lot. I write on my blog, in my journal and on forums with other pregnant ladies
i win: not very often
i lose: at chess
i wish: that money didn't influence how many children you could have
i listen: to my children
i don’t understand: how people can assume things. There are things that they have not been through things that they can not possibly comprehend but yet they think/ assume what others are thinking, feeling and think they know what a person should be doing. I don't understand. I sure know that there are some things that I don't understand that people are going through and I plainly don't know what to say to them and leave my mouth closed
i can usually be found: with my children or asleep
i am afraid: of not knowing where we will be when we are finished with Paul's school
i need: something to do each day so that I am not a bump on a log.
i forget: to floss some times
i am happy: when I get a little time to myself

18 January, 2009

Others know that I am pregnant! This lady in our neighborhood said that when I told her that I was pregnant it was kind of hard to believe but today she said"You are finally starting to look pregnant" I didn't really know what to say, but I know it is true. I lie down and it is no longer a smooth surface, for the longest time when I would be standing up I could tell that I was pregnant and there was a bump but it would seem to disappear when I would lie down. Even now my uterus is supposed to be about to my belly button but my whole abdomen is big and hurts to bend over having my ribs go in to the top of my abdomen even though I know that there is no baby right there. I don't quite understand how that would hurt when my uterus and the baby is not that high yet.
One thing I have wondered, I know that the baby gets nourishment from the placenta, but how does the amniotic fluid get replenished how ever many times a day that it does? Just something that I was wondering and wanted to find out.
I had a really weird pregnancy dream when I had one of the most awful nights of sleep. I had had the baby, but I didn't remember it and I was some where, I don't know where. I was without the baby, Paul came to find me and took me to the baby. Some how I had the baby at the hospital, didn't remember any of it and magically ended up somewhere else. So WEIRD. I guess I am afraid of it not quite turning out in a pleasant manner scared of things happening like they have in the past not necessarily scared of having the baby. Back labor, going in when there is a doctor on call and it not being my doctor and a few other things but to not remember any of it at all that would be awful.

08 January, 2009

no questioning it

Jesse indeed will be Jesse! I went to my appointment on Wednesday, took all three kids and Paul with me. The Doctor basically says, well since you are all here do you want to see the baby?! So Our KIDS got to see the baby! That was so awesome, I love my Doctor! At the 20 week ultrasound visit next time, no children are allowed at all. This is the first time that any of my kids have seen the baby on the ultrasound, Alona got it and really enjoyed it. There were two screens one smaller and one a little bigger right on top. Alona says, there's two babies! Thank goodness theres really just one. The kids and Paul got to see the parts, I could not let them not see. The parts have grown, no longer are they a bold white fuzzy, our baby has a little hot dog with a bun on the bottom. It is so obvious, we are having Jesse Bagley! I get to pick the middle name since Paul picked Jesse. I am thinking Franklin, my dads middle name and my Grandfather's first name(my moms dad. Also my grandpas dad and the dads 4 generations back are all named Franklin). So it is really a family name!
Everything is going well, gaining weight and baby looks really good. I am glad to know that the sharp pains that I have are not effecting the baby. Morning sickness is gone and now I am just tired, well of course!