31 January, 2007

That's Me

Irritated
Secluded
lonely
frustrated
stressed

I was at the grocery store on Monday getting fruits and vegetables from reams. I was standing in the entry way putting on Kacen's winter beanie hat, (I know I should have done this before even being outside.) and I was in the way of this older lady. She noticed the plastic hook still connected to his hat and attempted to pull at it, I said it would need scissors. She answered me saying that she had scissors in her purse and asked me if I would like to use them. I just stood there, "No, I'm fine." What is wrong with me? There this lady was wanting to help me. I told her no and preceeded to ignore her. I just wanted to be left alone. I am so used to being in my own little world with three children, no help, no adult conversation or interaction. The nice lady came up with her scissors and cut off the plstic hook and then continued to politely talk about the bumpy apples and how they came to be.

I was irritated with her just like I am at Alona's computer class when this lady picks up Abbi and carries her around. It is hard when I don't have friends yet, don't feel comfortable with the people around me.

Last night I was fixing dinner, the baby was screaming Abbi and Alona were screaming and refusing to help me. I was beyond frustrated, earlier I had withdrawn myself to my room with ice cream...they wouldn't let me have time out. They came in with their coloring books and crayons and wanted my help in helping them match rhyming words. And then they spotted my ice cream, no stress relief for me! They were so cute in wanting help but I really needed a moment for myself. Not a single one of my children took a nap yesterday!

I have no time for myself, which I am used to. But reality kicks in, I see/read about other mothers who are doing more than me. But their circumstances are all different. They have only one child. I am down-hearted with how unprofessional looking my scrapbooks are and all the skill that I lack, I wish I could take classes. I have NO time to read anything of interest to me including the love and logic book that Marta let me borrow. I do believe I have read a page and a half in the past week. I spend more than an hour a day reading Bert and the Broken teapot, There's a Monster at the End of this Book, Val's books and other such things. I get to sing primary songs and nursery rhymes and play with little people. And somewhere amongst all of this I get to teach my children things like how to be responsible and how to read, rhyme, and write (especially their own name, which usually ends up in a thrown crayon or two and an exclamation of "I can't do it!"). All of the things that I do seem to only get a miniscule portion of the attention that they really need. Not all the chores get done at once, I am lucky to get the dishes done in the 15 minute nap that Kacen takes around 9 p.m. Not to mention I go days without a shower at times. I attempted to watch five minutes of a show that I like yesterday, and Alona starts jumping and singing really loud and says "I don't want you to watch your show."

I miss my family. I am a weirdo, I have been married almost six years and not one of those years has been spent close to my family. But yet about once a month or so I have this overwhelming urge to visit them. I really miss them. Even though the ones that I miss the most rarely visit me.

I would have pictures but my connections to the computer from my camera are not working.

27 January, 2007

Yipee

We finally received Paul's last W-2! We will be able to pay off our credit card and do a few things!! Now just to wait to have the money to pay turbotax so that we can file. Isn't that ironic, we don't have the money to pay to get more money. I am so excited!

23 January, 2007

a twist

I paid the price for eating too much. I was up at 4:30 a.m. expelling all of what had gone in. This was an hour after Kacen had gone to sleep. So during that hour that he was asleep I was just lying there restless with a gross taste in my mouth, not fun and no sleeping :(. Paul got up with the girls. That seems to be one thing that I can count on him for, getting up when I am sick. But anyways I was in the bathroom once again at ten thirty and Abbi didn't have a clue. She was looking at me while this was going on, "Mommy, cough" she says. She didn't have the slightest idea. Maybe she just didn't know the word for it, she is an innocent little thing. I felt bad Abbi wanted attention that I couldn't give. She wanted me to color. The only way that I could have colored was lying on my back. I only felt alright that way, but you can't color lying on your back. She wanted me to pick her up and to play with her. I felt so bad.

I was able to call the compassionate service lady in our ward and she found someone to take the girls so that I could be sick with just me and Kacen. Okay so I did more cleaning than resting but I did not have the energy to take care of three children, cleaning takes so much less out of me. She kept the girls for five hours!! And wanted to know if she should keep them longer. I have been very humbled the past month, not living by any family requires me to ask for a lot of help from people in our ward. It is very difficult for me to ask for help, to rely on others. I am so used to doing things on my own or having one of Paul's parents help me. I feel so needy lately, I hate that but it is good for me, good to know that I can ask for help that I can rely on others.

22 January, 2007

Stress?

So today I went to "play" with a friend and found out that she is getting a divorce, is pregnant, all by herself now with two children that are having a difficult time listening to her and for some reason I was stressed! What me stressed? I am not the one in this situatiuon, she is, but yet I feel for her, don't know what I can do at all for her and I am so darn thankful for my husband. Okay so my husband thinks farting is funny(I personally do not), he doesn't always pick up after himself or other such things...but he loves me, He really loves me, he has never once even glanced the direction of another woman, he has forgiven me for many things, after eight years of being together he still finds ME attractive. He loves our children and he is great at spending time with them even when Abbi is mean to him.

So needless to say I went far beyond my points for the day!

Maybe this should be in my other blog, but I felt this was in both categories, Personal and Weight Loss/ Gain.

20 January, 2007

It happened

Alona ate mashed potatoes for the first time in her life! Even as a baby she would spit them out in disgust. When given to her for dinner with other things and asked to eat, she wanted to eat the potatoes! She did so willingly without coercion!!

16 January, 2007

Baby


Grabbin on to things now! He holds his toys and grabs a hold of daddies stick attached to his neck. He likes to grab and scratch at my hands, which I might say hurts because I have dry hands with cuts in them that he gets a hold of.


Kacen was an Eskimo I put him in the warm suit that was my sisters when she was a baby. He didn't like it very much at first. Me and him went for a walk!






He is learning to sit. I try with the boppy and then also positioning my hands on each side of him. As he starts to fall I put him back into position.

Isn't his play mat cute, most of the time he likes it. But Paul is right to pick him up when he screams hysterically on it. He did that tonight and I had to hold him for more than hour before he would let me put him down and by then he was wanting to eat and sleep.
Grandma Wood got him this cute little Elmer Fudd hat from Alaska. Isn't he the cutest thing in it!

He is doing something new while lying on his stomach, today he just started kicking his legs!

He really laughed, for the first time today it was a real laugh. I tickled him under his left arm while changing his clothes for bed tonight and at first he started to squeal and then it went into a full blown laugh. I wish that I had the camera at my side right then. He had the biggest ear to ear smile to go along with it. So darn cute! Wish that I was recording it to, so hard to describe his cute laugh.

snow bunnies

Yeah for grandparents. We went out to lunch at Sizzler today with Val and Ruth. Paul was able to go because he didn't have school! That seems to be a good place, it has nutritious food that children will eat, it has salads and Paul loves steak! Paul left afterwards to go to work but Val and Ruth came over and got the girls all decked out for the snow. I watched from afar as they played. The girls were throwing snow at grandpa! Abbi got tired of it after a little while and wanted to come back in but when grandma went back outside Abbi wanted to go to. I was so glad that she was getting her own special attention. They tried sledding down the hill in the blue plastic swimming pool that we have in the backyard. I am not sure if they were successful.Val had snow even on his eyebrows that didn't melt until a few minutes of warmth from the house.Then Ruth made us hot chocolate with her new cocomotion machine. That was really good and it was accompanied by cookies! I am so glad that they have interactive grandparents and to think that this is the first real time that they have played in the snow all winter. I have not been able to go with them, it is too cold to take the baby out and would definetly be to hard to play with them while holding Kacen. Though I think that Paul has taken them out a time or two but come back in when Abbi chickens out rather quickly.

11 January, 2007

Look!!

Aren't they pretty! My husband brought me flowers! He walked in the door yesterday with them in his arms! This is not normal per say even for special occasions. So I was surprised, I was astounded...I was So Happy! Three years ago Valentines day I got half a dozen roses, so it had been a while. I love that he thought of me, I love my husband and wish I could do more to make him feel special and appreciated to.

Then..LooK at this picture. Sometimes a couple times a week or even a couple times a day we have doe's that like to come and visit us! Occasionally they even come up to our bedroom window. They were outside our back window twice in the past week and a half and the girls got to see them when they woke up. They just stare at us in wonderment.


New Years Day Pictures!
Fun hot chocolate and marshmallows! Abbi disregarded the hot chocolate and went straight for the marshmallows! Alona enjoyed it and had a mustache to prove it. Paul was a great hot chocolate maker. When the children were in bed we were finally able to enjoy ours.

09 January, 2007

Only Once

This will be their firsts only once, so I figured that I shouldn't pass up writing about it. I don't remember it being so difficult with Alona or Abbi, Alona especially having them sleep in a new room. I figured that it was about time. I love that little guy so much and I am so comforted with him sleeping just at the edge of my feet, knowing that he is there and that he is safe. I am SO attached! So last night was his first night of many in his crib. I kept thinking of reasons to keep him in our room, not having the monitor hooked up yet, his room is too cold, etc. They always look so tiny in those things when they first start off. He did great! He went to bed around 12:30 and then he woke up some time between three and five (I was too tired to remember.) But then I fell asleep holding him in my bed. I am so amazed that I can fall asleep so easily while holding him and I keep holding him while I sleep, I don't drop him or let go or anything! So he slept with me until about six and then went back to his crib for a little more than an hour. Tonight he didn't want to go to sleep he fell asleep and woke up four different times and finally fell asleep around 10:45, woohoo!

Okay so for the other first...Abbi went to the dentist for the first time today. She was wonderful! Better than I could have imagined. They asked her to open her mouth, Okay so she really didn't open, but she let them insert bite wings and allowed them to take x-rays while staring at them blankly! She allowed the dentist to put a mirror with a bright light into her mouth, move it around and count her teeth. I was holding her in my lap with her head in the dentists arms and she was holding my hands and quite content.

When Alona was that age and I took her to the dentist she bit down, would not open her mouth and clung to me like no other. The dentist barely got to see Alona's teeth at that age let alone count them. Alona is still a booger, I had to lift her into the chair. She was dragging her feet and complained when they put bite wings in her mouth.

05 January, 2007

Balloon Fighting, Where's the Camera


We were driving home from Roberts after spending most of their gift cards and I heard them giggling, laughing and saw them smiling ear to ear. I really wish that I had a camera they were making me smile so big just watching them. They got supplies to make valentines crafts. I will publish details later. We get to enlist their dads help and make valentines for the grandparents!

Alona thought that it was the funniest thing that Abbi kept hitting her in the mouth with her yellow balloon. They usually don't get along, because Abbi is so violent lately. She will come up to any one of us and hit or kick us and now she says "chair" she knows that she should go to the time out chair after what she did.

Kacen sat up for the first time today! Well okay there was a boppy behind him, but hey he didn't fall forward or to the side. He holds his head up wonderfully now and can almost do it by himself. And he has been "cooing" for about a week! He does it the most for his daddy!He has been smiling since oh, the 20th of December. I mean really smiling!!

A New Year

New Years Eve we stayed up with the girls until ten o'clock and watched Over the Hedge. Alona actually didn't have too many questions, she sat and enjoyed the whole thing. Abbi is not and has never been a TV watcher. After she had finished all of the candy, cookies and popcorn that we would allow her to put into her little tummy she wandered throughout the house getting into things. Me and Paul stayed up and watched Pirates of the Caribbean. I so did not get the ending, it left off in the middle of the story, I thought. I was able to stay up past midnight! Good that I was able to bring in the new year with my husband but Kacen for two nights seemed to think that night time started at one o'clock in the morning and then morning would start at the regular time(about 7 a.m.).

Paul actually had a two day weekend! It was a nice surprise. We had cookies and hot chocolate on January 1st before going to bed. Paul is a great hot chocolate maker, whenever we do hot chocolate I have him make it. I ran to the store to get mini marshmallows while he gave the girls a bath. Kacen really hates the car, he screamed while driving to the store but then he was good walking inside. He screamed the whole time inside of the store then was good walking to the car and cried in the car the whole way home. Then we were able to enjoy our delicious treat. Though Paul said the cookies made the hot chocolate taste bitter or maybe it was the other way around.

The cable for my camera is not working and the card reader that Paul bought does not work either, so I will have to post some pictures later.

I took Kacen to his late two month appointment yesterday. They don't do well check appointments the last two weeks of December. So he had his yesterday, and he is now 12 lbs and 2 ounces and 23 and 3/4 inches. He is growin! He had to have four needles poked into his thigh, poor little boy. Just the initial shock of it all was what he hated, he seemed to do fine afterwards!