We are...

Moving
It seems so unreal just because we have lived in this place that we are at for the past 3 years, 3 months and 12 days. Which is the longest that we have lived anywhere in our married life and the only home that Our three younger children have known. I always look at craigslist and ksl, just being a little too hopeful and optimistic, to move in to something better...a better neighborhood, better heating, better bathrooms and maybe a laundry room, walls that arent concrete, a dishwasher maybe, room to hang up coats and towels. So I found this place a little more than a week ago listed on craigslist, it was within our price range, allowed pets which most places within our price range did not! It has two bathrooms and it is a HOUSE!! No more getting the feeling of going in to a burrow, a hole in the ground!
So the positives, which I have been trying really hard to focus on

• There are two bathrooms, a lot of cupboard space in the bathroom and an actual counter, and no washer and dryer in the bathroom. The second bathroom is in my bedroom
• There is a crawl space under the house for storage
• The rooms are bigger
• There is a coat closet
• There is a utility room that has plenty of storage space and shelves, and that is where the washer and dryer go
• There is and old dishwasher that we can replace for with a new one! I get a dishwasher!!
• The previous tenants left half of their furniture. The living room has hardwood floors and they left a huge area rug! We get new couches! Pretty blue couches. There was also a dvd player with speakers left there as well.
• Alona's school is across the street, she can walk to school
• I have two closets in my bedroom! One for Paul and one for ME!
• It is 1459 sq ft quite a bit bigger than here :)
• There is a place to plant a garden!
• Being in a house, we wont have to worry about disturbing neighboring tenants or them disturbing us!
  

There is less room for the children to play, but there still is a yard and the school park across the street. There isn't as much storage, but the place is much bigger! I am happy to have a house, even if we are just renting.
We get the keys to the house on Tuesday which is nice since we don't pay rent there until the following Monday, so we will have plenty of time to clean the place up, it sure does need it! I'll take some more pictures and post them. So if in the next two weeks (after Tuesday) you have some extra time, feel free to come help clean, pack and move some stuff or take a trip to the di for us :)
Alona is super excited to see it. and hopefully i remember to make all of the address changes that I need to.

Wednesdays visitor

This little kitten was under our upstairs neighbors stairs meowing. It was less than 25 degrees and she was all alone. Paul came to bed telling me about the kitten, when I woke up to hearing her, I couldn't just leave her there. It was so cold, she was only a baby, and all alone. So I went out and caught her and brought her in. She was so scared. She hissed when anyone came near, she was not mean when I first brought her in. Abbi decided that she wanted to have a name to call her, Sally. Sally was so hungry, she ate her whole can of salmon and drank her water in the first hour she was in the house. After lunch she became brave and ran around the house trying to hide instead of hiding in the pink cat house that she had been in. After peeing on the floor and scratching me when I tried to catch her, I knew we shouldnt keep her. She was picked up while Alona was at piano and both girls cried.

We are glad Sally came to visit and hope this cute kitten found a good home.

baby pictures late December- early January

his two front teeth are so cute

thinking

so adorable

Santa, he's not so scary.... yet!

Trying out baby food

Ready to walk with family to deliver Christmas cookies to the neighbors

going in the snow for the first time
It is the greatest thing to hear him laugh. Abbi is really good at getting him to laugh, Kacen and Alona have their moments with him too!
Jesse is starting to crawl, he pulls himself forward a couple of inches when he really wants to get something. Last Friday he sat up all by himself he was bent over and pushed his hands and pushed his body up. So amazing to watch him reach each milestone.

Abbi's birthday wishes

A girl snow sled...she was hoping for Hello Kitty...cause that's what Grandma Wood likes. But I dont think that one is made, so Princess will do!
A big girl bike..her bike is currently the size of Kacen's and her knees hit the handle bars. Choices were being named, and she picked Dora, and what do you know they make one!

And an Ariel that sings and talks and everything!! (Abbi's exact words)

and our simple little girl

PINK BUBBLE GUM!
that of course she loves to hoard in her mouth and occasionally swallow.

Abbi's birthday is coming up, so hard to believe she will be 5!
Hmmm and so hard to decide what wish of hers will come true!

what kind of things do you think God is telling you?

...some times I think that he is saying, "Heather, lets see how much you can handle by yourself."

better

I dont blog like I use to because I have a baby, and even though I have three other children this baby takes up my life. Having three children and a baby and all that I have to do to take care of them causes a lot of anxiety. This morning was actually great, even though Jesse woke up at 12:30 and 5:00 a.m. He then slept until 9 am and then went down for a nap at 11:30. On most days he wakes up around 4 am and then wakes up again around 8:30 and sometimes will take a nap around 3:00.

With anxiety it has been really hard to look on the bright side of things, and I am sorry to those of you who are close to me and maybe hear me looking down on things a lot more than I should. But I truly am so blessed, money is not so tight that we cannot pay everything that we owe. In fact we can fit all of our bills, including our student loans and our account to RC Willey from putting tires and an alignment on Paul's car. And have some left to pay a BYU student teach Alona piano and for Abbi to attend a combined dance class; it has modern, ballet and tap dancing! We have a budget for everything, but that is so okay with me. And if I try real hard we can squeeze a little extra in to our budget, which I love and would love to do it more so that I could help others who are having a harder time than we are.

I am blessed to be in a home that will fit all of my family in to it, even if all of our "stuff" doesn't have a lot of space, thats okay. Yes I would like a better/bigger place, but that is not something that is within our means at the moment with some uncontrollable factors. We are allowed to have a pet where we live and that is a great blessing. I have Mandy as a neighbor and I dont know what I would do without her.

My children really are wonderful. (Of course they have their moments, but don't they all!) I fell down the stairs the other night while carrying Abbi in to the house. She was crying not because she was hurt, just because she was woke up. Poor thing scared me, I thought that she was hurt. I made sure she was all right, and then... Alona went out to the van and woke up Kacen, brought me his pj's and both girls cleaned up the living room. They saw their mothers owie legs, scrapes from my knees to my toes and a bloody elbow. they took care of their mother and brought me band-aids. My children listen a lot of the time and are very sweet. They are great learners as well, I have been blessed with two sweet girls that learn all that their Mommy likes to teach them and then some. I feel bad when I have them watch television so much.

But its not what the children do or that they are wonderful that adds to my anxiety. It is that with a baby and with doing four children basically on my own does just give me anxiety even with the sweetest of children. Just knowing that I do have them awake 18 hours a day and then for those other six hours I have to some how fit in cleaning and SLEEP it is a bit much. Getting out of the house is one of those things that builds on my anxiety so much. Trying to get them all ready, the diaper bag, extra clothes for Kacen, the chores done in the house the children presentable and make sure that Jesses' stomach is content overwhelms me.

All day I six times a day (at least) I am feeding a baby, I really do enjoy this, but while I am feeding him everything else is put on hold and my other children that demand my attention constantly know that this is the time to act up and they do. Its hard to go over to Abbi, get down on her level and sweetly talk to her while she is pouring bowls of water on her brother and sister and the kitchen floor while I am feeding Jesse and or trying to get him down for a nap. Or one of the other hundreds of different occurrences that can happen, even simply Alona while I am trying to put Jesse down just trying to tell me about something from her day, because if she talks to loud it will wake up Jesse and then he will be awake and too interested in her to go to sleep.

So this week after the new year had started, a relief, a happiness came over me. I still have really bad anxiety but I am happier, I feel HAPPY. Jesse will be ONE this year even though it is a few months away, it is THIS year. And with that he will be weaned this year, he will be able to self-feed, he will be able to walk and probably talk a bit. And with all those thoughts just a peace came over me. Even though he will be my last and I am sad about that, and I will cherish these moments that he does have, I am happy that the stressful babyhood and other children stage will be behind me. There is hope for better things to come