so grown up

I talk to Alona like a grown up, a lot more than I should. I was telling her not to be sad or unhappy at Christmas time. To just be happy with her family, with the gifts that she did get and not unhappy for any particular reason or for not getting as much as any one else. She is a child that gets really unhappy about things. She doesnt enjoy school as much as she should. At a Christmas party a few weeks ago she got the movie Hercules, it was not a present that she had asked Santa for, she was very sad. No matter how much I told her that Santa was saving the good present for Christmas she could not be cheered up.

So last night I wrapped presents, the presents that I bought and had to wrap and write from Grandma and Grandpa Price cause I spent the money they gave to us on gas to get to and from their house and to go to their house for Christmas. And the presents that are from one of our family members to the other. We had picked names out of a hat and that person gets to be extra "nice" to the person that they picked and then they get to wrap a present for that person. The present that they get to wrap most likely will come from a bag of toys from a toy swap at church a few weeks ago.

I was talking to Alona telling her not be sad on Christmas, no matter what, that she should be happy for what she has. I think she is a lot like me, and that the speech was for myself as well. I told her how I get sad too, seeing all the things that I would like to get her and her sister and brothers, but cant. Seeing and hearing about family members and friends getting their children oh so very nice things, and I cant.

Alona answered me, "Mom the presents under the tree are all ready enough for me." That was the best thing that I could have been told, I needed to hear it, from my child. I hope her mentality stays that way after they are opened. I have a hard time with wanting to give my children things. As a small child I didn't go without, but before I became a teenager, my parents and brothers were taken away. I believe that being without my brothers and parents, not having them when i needed them growing up has to do with my feeling that I can't be without things or have my children or spouse be without.

My children did get one to two gifts that I hope they enjoy. Alona's easy bake was on sale at target last month, yay! Abbi and kacen's two gifts came in the mail from toys r us. It is so difficult to go Christmas shopping with four children in tow. One cold morning (-1 degree f, 1:30 a.m.) I ventured to Walmart for stocking stuffers so that I could go without the children and go while the baby was sleeping. The baby didnt sleep long, Paul called me not too long in to me being at the store to tell me to hurry home, the baby was awake and very fussy.

I am trying to not be jealous of the kindness that others get from people, and just being grateful for what I do have. And if you aren't being visited at Christmas, it is not because we don't love you, because truly I love everyone and wish I had better contact with everyone that I know. Maybe family or other friends could visit more often to our home ; ) We have nothing left in cash until payday, we are starting to pay student loans next month and are trying to only put necessities on the credit card. We have an almost three hundred dollar payment on student loans, which may not seem like a lot to some, to us it makes everything a very tight squeeze in our budget and I am grateful that we can make it fit.